


After x Glow

by DecemberCamie



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 14:21:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8017357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DecemberCamie/pseuds/DecemberCamie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Is it really possible, to care for someone this much?” Killua asked in a hushed tone. He was almost afraid to voice his thoughts, scared that somehow everything would fall away if he did. </p><p>Gon’s husked response was just as quiet. “Has to be. Because whatever you feel for me, I have it ten times worse for you.”</p><p>Killua let out a broken chuckle. “That’s not possible.”</p><p>“Wanna bet?”</p><p>“You can’t bet something like that.”</p><p>“I can. I’ll prove it.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	After x Glow

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in the cannon universe, about a year or so after Killua and Gon have been reunited. They're about 18, maybe 19 in this story. Enjoy!

Killua had always thought Gon’s skin would’ve been warm to the touch. It just somehow made logical sense that the boy who gave off so much life and enthusiasm would radiate a sort of inner light and warmth. Just like the sun.

Well. Killua was happy to check that tug of curiosity off his list of things to figure out before he died. It turned out that Gon’s skin _was_ warm, compared to his own, at least. Gon wasn’t hot or anything, like Killua half anticipated. Instead the temperature was…pleasant.

Killua slowly ran the pads of his fingers over Gon’s bare back, enjoying the way Gon’s body heat seeped into his hand. It kind of felt like Gon had just finished sunbathing on some lazy afternoon, and his body was taking its sweet time cooling down.

“What’re you thinking about?” Gon spoke quietly.

His voice was muffled. He had his arms crossed into as a makeshift pillow for his head so he could lay down comfortably. The resting spot of choice just happened to be Killua’s lower stomach, but the pale teen didn’t mind. As long as Gon’s face was turned towards Killua’s, he would have no trouble hearing what Gon said.

Killua hummed, continuing to drag his hand up and down Gon’s back. “Your skin…”

Gon’s brow furrowed. “My skin?”

“Yeah. It’s warm.”

“Really? I never noticed.”

“You wouldn’t. It’s yours, it feels normal to you.”

Gon made a noncommittal sound. “You’re probably right. Yours is cold.”

Killua froze, his hand hovering in the air. “Do you want me to sto-?”

“No!” Gon said quickly. “No, I like it when you do that. Don’t stop, please.”

Killua lowered his arm hesitantly before letting his hand rest between Gon’s shoulder blades. “Okay, as long as you’re sure.”

“I am.” Gon sighed and his eyelids closed as Killua began to rub small circles into his back. “It feels nice when you do that.”

A small smile crept its way onto Killua’s face. It was nice for him too, seeing Gon like this, relaxed and placid under his touch. To know that he was the reason for Gon’s bliss. It made his toes curl and his cheeks burn.

“What else?”

The question caught him off guard and he stopped. “Wha-?”

Gon muscles tensed. “Don’t stop!”

“Huh? Oh.” He went back to making the circles and Gon exhaled, content.

Gon mumbled, “What else about my skin, I meant?”

What else? Killua considered the question. He’d never really thought about Gon’s skin specifically before. But…

Killua swallowed. “It’s- rougher, then I expected. It’s probably hardened from being outside so much and getting sun burnt and doing different chores for Aunt Mito, so. It makes sense. It’s still softish, though.”

He brushed his thumb over a lump on Gon’s spine. His vertebrae. How easy would it be, to press down and snap Gon’s lifeline in half?

Too easy, that was the answer. But he would never in a million years do that. In fact, he would gouge out anyone’s eyes from their sockets for even trying.

He moved on, saying, “There’s a lot of scars, too.”

“Mm, I got hurt a lot when I was younger. I went off on my own too much.”

Killua shook his head. “That’s not it. They’re brighter, haven’t had the chance to heal over completely yet. I don’t recognize them.” He tapped a couple of spots specifically. “These have to be new.”

Gon opened one eye to peer at Killua. “You mean, I got them when we were separated.”

Killua’s heart twisted. He lowered his head so his bangs would shield his expression.

 _Separation._ That was the word they were using to describe the years after Gon had been revived. Killua’s hand clenched into a fist involuntarily. He didn’t like thinking about it. It sounded too much like a break up. They hadn’t even been together, but it didn’t matter. The emotional toll was the same.

“Killua.”

He peaked at Gon. The boy was regarding him with a gentle look. It made Killua’s breath catch in his lungs.

Gon uncrossed his left arm and reached for Killua’s right. Killua watched silently as Gon took his hand, carefully positioning them so their fingers could interlock.

“Does it make you sad, thinking about that time?” Gon kept his attention on their joined hands as he spoke.

Killua answered instinctively. “No. Ugh, I mean-”

He stopped. That had come out wrong.

Gon waited patiently, head tilted towards Killua to show he was listening.

He let out a long breath. He started again, “It was hard at the time, sure. We were each other’s only confidents, and to go from being together every minute of every day to just texting and the occasional phone call…it was jarring. I had to get used to being a separate person again. But that was all necessary. I think we needed that break from each other. We needed to learn who Killua was, and who Gon was, before we could learn what it meant be Killua _and_ Gon.”

Gon began nodding half way through Killua’s explanation. “Yeah. I feel the same. It wasn’t- I never wanted you to leave, you know. You were my best friend- and you still are but you’re just _more_ now- but it was because of that, I really hurt you. So, to make it up to you and to figure out how to not do that in future, I needed to learn how to be a better person. And I couldn’t do that while you were with me. I would have never been forced to face my mistakes and fix them.”

Killua shifted his position so his back was better supported by the pillows underneath him. “I remember talking about that with you before we got to the Tree. It was really important to you.”

Gon squeezed Killua’s hand. He admitted lowly, “I didn’t want you to ever hurt again because of me. When we reunited, I wanted it to be when I was strong enough to travel with you, but also when I was considerate enough to not ignore your feelings like I did last time.”

Some of the tension in Killua’s chest eased away at Gon’s words. He had really grown up. They both had, and they were better for it. Better on their own, and now better together. So their pain had been necessary, and now they could be honest and open with one another in a way they had never been before.

But that didn’t mean Killua liked to dwell on it.

He focused instead on their intertwined hands, which was a much nicer subject to think about then the past.

Gon’s hand was somewhat smaller than his, with shorter fingers and a wider palm. It was sturdy in form similar to the rest of Gon’s body. There was a certain beauty in that stockier build, Killua had always thought. A kind of grounding force that made him feel safe for no real reason other than the fact that it reminded him of _Gon._

He had never liked his own hands, though. He narrowed his eyes as he examined his fingers. They stood out in sharp contrast to Gon’s: too long, too pale, like spider legs. They were even worse as claws. His veins stuck out at all the wrong angles and his nails grew into gruesome knives. Killua sometimes imagined invisible stains of blood marring his skin for hours after he used them.

Gon spoke up suddenly, “Don’t you think it’s funny?”

Killua blinked at the other teen. He realized that Gon was staring at their hands with a strange sort of fixation.

“What is?” Killua asked. “You can’t just say vague stuff like that, no one will understand you.”

“I don’t need anyone else to understand me,” came the honest reply. “I have you. And you always know what I’m trying to say even if _I_ don’t.”

Killua’s mouth fell open. He could feel his cheeks radiating heat like he in the center of a supernova. He would have already pulled the bed covers over his head if at all possible to hide his burning face, but _of course_ Gon was lying half on top of them.

Damnit.

Killua grit his teeth. Maybe if he tried hard enough, he could think his painfully obvious blush away?

Out loud he muttered, “You say the most embarrassing things.”

Gon’s chest shook with laughter, and the rocking motion sent vibrations into Killua’s hips. It felt kind of weird, but Gon’s laughter was the best sound Killua had ever heard, so there was no point in complaining.

“You’re the only one who thinks it’s embarrassing, Killua,” Gon said with a dimpled smile. “Besides, it shouldn’t be embarrassing if it’s the truth.”

Killua rose his gaze to the ceiling. It was embarrassing _because_ it was the truth. Why didn’t Gon understand that? To admit something so intimate like that, and without an ounce of shame…

“Well, you’re gonna have to explain yourself this time,” Killua said, purposefully changing the subject. “’Cause I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I was talking about our hands,” Gon said. He lifted his fingers away from Killua’s, and Killua let go immediately, though a small (big) part of him mourned the loss.

But Gon didn’t pull away completely like Killua had expected. He simply shifted them so they were palm-to-palm, fingers splayed out against one another like he was trying to compare hand sizes.

He said, “I was just thinking, they’re so different. You know? They almost look like they don’t belong together. But they do! They fit together perfectly.”

And here Gon tilted hand and slid his fingers back into place beside Killua’s so they were once more linked.

“See? Like puzzle pieces. Sometimes two pieces match even though you think they belong on opposite sides of the picture. I thought it was kind of funny, because we’re kind of like that too. We’re not really that similar at all, but when I’m with you, I feel complete. I’m happiest when you’re with me, because even though we come from different places and backgrounds, we match each other effortlessly! Like our hands.”

Gon snuck a glance at Killua, but Killua couldn’t bring himself to respond. An overwhelming rush of affection and love for the boy lying on top of him was enough to stun him into silence. He could do little but lay there, feeling like he could burst with the strength of his own emotions.

He finally choked out, “You’re such a sap.”

Gon lowered his head so he was resting fully on Killua’s stomach. “Only for you.”

Killua’s heart throbbed. He swallowed thickly.

He lifted his free hand from Gon’s back to brush away spiky locks of hair from the other’s face. Gon’s hair was soft to the touch, free of any knots or tangles. It was a beautiful deep chocolate color- Killua’s favorite color, to no one’s surprise- and it shone in the low light coming from the windows.

Then, with his heartbeat thudding loudly in his ears, Killua slowly moved his hand to touch Gon’s face. He was careful not to go too fast, or risk ruining the moment. He took the time to smooth out the wrinkles on Gon’s forehead, lightly caress his cheeks, trace his chin with the tips of his fingers. There was no purpose or reason to his actions, but when it came to Gon, there never was.

Gon’s eyes stayed locked on Killua’s face the entire time, hardened into bronze. There was a heavy intensity in the way the way he gazed at Killua; like Killua was the only thing worth looking at in the entire universe. It made Killua’s chest ache with an overwhelming emotion he couldn’t name.

It made Killua feel like he was drowning.

“Is it really possible, to care for someone this much?” Killua asked in a hushed tone. He was almost afraid to voice his thoughts, scared that somehow everything would fall away if he did.

Gon’s husked response was just as quiet. “Has to be. Because whatever you feel for me, I have it ten times worse for you.”

Killua let out a broken chuckle. “That’s not possible.”

“Wanna bet?”

“You can’t bet something like that.”

“I can. I’ll prove it.”

Gon’s tone was so sure, Killua raised an eyebrow. “How?”

Gon dropped his eyes. He began tracing random patterns into Killua’s skin, saying, “By reminding you every day how incredible I think you are, how you take my breath away. By choosing you, and putting you first because I’ll never see you as deserving anything but the best of everything in life. By staying here, with you, every minute for as long as we live.”

“Y-you make a convincing argument,” Killua admitted around the lump in his throat. His eyes prickled and he fought down the desire to sniff.

Gon stiffened. “Ki-Killua! Why are you crying? Did I make you sad?” He pushed himself up on one hand but Killua shook his head vigorously.

“No! No, you didn’t, stay down. Please,” he added after Gon bit his lip. “You didn’t do anything wrong, its just-”

He took a shuddering breath and used his free hand to scrub at his face. He couldn’t look at Gon, because if he did, he might lose his nerve. And Gon needed to know what he was getting into with Killua, before it was too late.

Killua mumbled around his arm, “I’ve never- you have to understand, Gon, my family has a very different idea of love then most people. Besides Alluka, there was never anyone who cared for me just because it was _me_. They always had a greater plan behind their actions. It was all about what I could do for the family. Their hugs took the form of rusted chains tying me to cement. The only kisses I received were from electric whips.”

He paused, trying to gather his thoughts. Then he said in a rush-

“And then there’s you, and you d-don’t care about any of that. You say you want me, but not because of what I can do, because of the things we’ve experienced together and how you see me as this amazing thing- and I, _I_ -”

A warm hand brushed against his wrist, and he jumped, startled.

He looked up, throat burning, only to find Gon already staring back. His golden brown iris shone too brightly in the dimness of the room.

Killua was abruptly tugged forward, and he then he found himself captured in Gon’s arms.

Gon cradled Killua to his chest. His grip was so tight Killua struggled to breathe. He choked out, “ _Gon-_ ”

“Your family doesn’t know anything about love,” Gon murmured into the crook of Killua’s neck. “Their love was wrong, Killua. It was twisted, and it hurt you.”

Killua dropped his head to rest it against Gon’s. “I know that. You showed me differently.”

“Love isn’t- it’s not a give or take. Love is when Aunt Mito makes us our favorite foods whenever we stop by Whale Island to visit because she knows how much we like it. It’s when Leorio wakes up at three in the morning to call Kurapika after he’s off duty. It’s when you buy new dresses for Alluka so she has nice things to wear.”

He pulled away and his hands disappeared from where they pressed into Killua’s back. They reappeared again a moment later when Gon reached up to cup Killua’s face.

Killua blinked, eyes growing large as Gon’s thumbs gently brushed against his quickly reddening cheeks. His breath became shallow and his heart started to pound. He couldn’t think straight enough to move, so he let Gon hold him gently like he was a piece of porcelain.

“Love is you sending me silly pictures of you while we were separated,” Gon breathed. “Love is me spending years trying to find you even though you tried to shake me off. Love is you finding me after I fought Pitou, after I pushed you away. Love is me invading your house when I was twelve just so I could save you from your family.”

He leaned in close, close enough that Killua could make out every shade of gold in Gon’s irises, and Killua’s heart stopped beating-

“Love is this,” Gon whispered as he pressed their foreheads together. “Love is me and you, not giving up on each other because we both know nothing in the entire world matters more than us here, in this moment.”

He lowered a hand to grasp Killua’s, where it had been lying limply in his lap. Gon said quietly, “I know your family never showed you what real love is, Killua. But I’ll fix that, because we’re gonna find love every single day! As long as we’re together, we’ll have all the love we need and more.”

He gave Killua a small smile, suddenly shy. “Okay?”

Killua inhaled deeply to steady himself.

“Okay,” he whispered back.

He let his eyes flutter shut as he leaned in to meet Gon halfway.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Hunterxhunter.  
> Disclaimer: I DON'T KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE IN LOVE. I JUST DON'T. But when I think about these two, and how they would be if they were actually at peace and happy FOR ONCE, this is what I imagine. And then I was so filled with feels that I couldn't concentrate and had to write this. Ughhhhhhhh. I hope its accurate enough and they're not out of character. Otherwise, I hope you enjoyed this super intensely fluffy thing. 
> 
> I have a tumblr: http://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/


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